Friday, January 14, 2011

He Said Yes

I'm taking a creative writing class. One of my class mates wrote a poem about a woman being raped... and it was so flat... still, it triggered in me... I realized a single afternoon with the father of my children probably had more impact on me than I thought. So many other things happened to me as a kid that one little unwilling sex.. what the hell?

When someone who says they love you... betrays you, uses you... it leaves a mark on your soul.. at last until that mark is faced.  I think I've been carrying anger around for a long time. Today has been such an emotional day for me.  Really... This (insert time frame) has been so emotional for me that really, all I can say is that I'm emotional.

I went to rape crisis over that afternoon. They told me then (this was 1993) that there wasn't anything the civil system could to for me. Husbands were allowed.

Another therapist told me that in some people's culture what he did wasn't even wrong.

What he did was wrong. Do not take advantage of people! I was broken when he found me, underage, and terrified of the world. He said he loved me. He said he wanted me. He cried when I left him. He never even knew me.

I think he tried to know me.  I want to say he's a good person.  I wish every one was a good person.

I need not to be nothing but glowing butterflies anymore.

He said Yes
by Nix
I was
your wife
I was
in love with her
You were
in love with her
I was
broken before
there was you
the waterbed at my back
tradition on top of me
with you
your wife
a knife in my soul
I was
I was never there
around you
You raped your wife
but I never was
I fluttered away like
glittering fairies 
on the evening breeze
I was

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